Gwyneth Paltrow won. She was facing a civil trial for a 2016 collision on a ski slope in Utah and the jury found her NOT RESPONSIBLE. Pepper Potts stans can breathe a sigh of relief as she will not be forced to pay retired optometrist Terry Sanderson over $300,000 in damages for a collision that left him with four broken ribs.
The result of the trial pales in comparison to the trial itself as Paltrow gave some of her best performances since Mortdecai. With so many viral trial clips floating around Elon Musk's internet, it took the entire power of the Gaming Society to widdle them down and find out which moments were the Goopiest.
...Which, to clarify, is a play on words to the very real company that Paltrow started where she sells ... unique candles.
While Paltrow's acting usually takes center stage, there is never enough respect shown to the costume designers.
With this trial, Holly Holladay was faced with a dilemma. As Maren Mullen explained to the New York Times, “She can’t dress down too much or she’ll be criticized, but she can’t dress up too much or she’ll be criticized.” What a conundrum.
What followed will be talked about through cigarette smoke at posh NYC fashion shows for centuries. The debut of a new genre of fashion known simply as courtcore. Where were you when Beth Emhoff entered as a depressed librarian? Or how about comfy Kim Wexler? Or, my favorite, 5 points to Gryffindor!
Stealth meets wealth, meets power boots — the essence of courtcore.
Rarely does a defendant take the stand in a civil trial as there are many fears of perjuring oneself but Paltrow stood knowing she had the truth on her side... she stood tall (just a shade under 5'10 to be exact) and proud whilst explaining her side of the story and clearly captivated the questioning lawyer.
We all know Rosemary from Shallow Hal was a looker but keep it together.
Remember when fast food restaurants sold side items for $1? Those were the days.
Whilst injured Terry was suing for over $300,000 in damages, Margot Tenenbaum was countersuing for a whole entire dollar.
Uno dinero. Four quarters. One hundred pennies.
Name something you can buy that costs only a dollar. You can't. Even the famed Dollar Tree raised its prices to $1.25, those animals. Yet the countersuit only asked for that low, low number in damages.
Oh, and Sanderson will be on the line to reimburse all of her legal fees...
When asked about the potentially substantial sum, Marge Sherwood replied, "So I'm asking for $1 for me and then reimbursement of attorney's fees, which is a separate thing."
It's a separate thing guys — settle down.
Terry tried his best to sell his side of the story. Whether it was reenacting the 'blood curdling scream' that he heard prior to the crash or having a neurologist show up to explain how his brain has deteriorated since the event. At one point, he was sobbing on the stand, heartbroken that his girlfriend had broken things off because the event had changed him.
In fact now Terry believes he "can never go on another dating site again, I've been fleshed out". Same dude, same.
Where Sanderson lost the room had nothing to do with his failed dating exploits, however. The public was turned off by Terry referring to Viola De Lesseps as King Kong and even more astounded by him facebooking his daughters after the crash to say the now infamous line, 'I'm famous'.
There is something poetic about a 74-year-old in trouble for a post made on Facebook.
After the verdict was heard and the dust had settled, Tracy from Se7en scooted over the Terry Sanderson's chair and whispered something into his ear...
What could she have said? Thankfully, Terry let us in on their little secret.
I wish you well.
A devastating final blow, frankly unnecessary in the author's humble opinion. While veiled through a mask of kindness, this line was clearly uttered through pity and villainous vengeance. 'I wish you well' is only said when the departing party has extreme disappointment and disgust in their hearts for the message's receiver. Never, in the history of the world, has the person saying 'I wish you well' ever actually intended well wishes.