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The NFL’s Week 16 schedule rated by reindeer

Which game is Rudolph’s?

The NFL’s Week 16 schedule rated by reindeer

NFL Week 16 offers a full nine-reindeer roster of matchups with playoff ramifications, so pour yourself some hot chocolate and let Rudolph and friends be your guide for the NFL’s Holiday slate.

Football Team @ Cowboys

  • Dallas can clinch the NFC East with a win
  • Washington can clinch January golf lessons with a loss

Reindeer: Dasher is a big fan of the fleet-footed RBs in this one; Zeke, Tony Pollard and Antonio Gibson all led Dasher to the playoffs in the Santa’s Workshop fantasy football league.

Rams @ Vikings

  • Cooper Kupp needs 340 receiving yards over the last three games to break Calvin Johnson’s single season record
  • Kirk Cousins is holding onto that seventh wild card spot with all the grip his mediocre right arm can offer

Reindeer: Every time Justin Jefferson performs the Griddy in the endzone, Dancer gets up and does it with him.

Packers @ Browns

  • Green Bay became the first team in the NFL to clinch a playoff spot and looks to capture a first-round bye
  • Cleveland is struggling to right the ship on a very rocky season. Lose this one and the future is grim

Reindeer: ICYMI Aaron Rodgers has had some toe issues this season. Prancer appreciates ARod’s ability to play through the pain with glitz and glamour.

Broncos @ Raiders

  • Denver turns to Drew Lock to lead them to the promised land after Teddy Bridgewater’s scary injury
  • Vegas hasn’t scored over 16 points on a Sunday since October

Reindeer: Having always been a fan of Sin City, Vixen gave Mrs. Claus quite a surprise when she started painting her face silver and black on game days.

Colts @ Cardinals

  • The Hard Knock execs are doing cartwheels as Indy continues to beat the best the NFL has to offer
  • Zona is 8-0 when they’ve scored over 23 points this season 

Reindeer: Could a running back win this year’s MVP award? Comet certainly thinks so. Rooting for Jonathan Taylor all the way home.

Dolphins @ Saints

  • Miami has won six straight giving up an average of 14.8 points per game
  • New Orleans just became the first team to shut Tom Brady out since 2006

Reindeer: Cupid has set this author’s heart aflame with the Fins improbable run. Shall it continue onward?

Ravens @ Bengals

  • Harbaugh trusts his players, sometimes to a fault. Two of Baltimore’s losses have come from failed 2-point conversions in the waning moments of regulation
  • From worst to first, a win here takes the basement-dwelling Bengals to the top of the division in just one calendar year

Reindeer: Donner totally sounds like a dude from Cincinnati.

Steelers @ Chiefs

  • What’s that? The much-maligned Chiefs are in the driver’s seat for the AFC’s No. 1 seed?
  • Pittsburgh only scores 10.4 points over the first three quarters but erupts for 10.1 in the 4th. Big Ben just needs a bit to warm up?

Reindeer: Between the Chiefs resurgence on defense and T.J. Watt making his claim for DPOY, hard-hitting Blitzen is all in on this battle of AFC powerhouses.

Bills @ Patriots

  • Winner of this game will seemingly lock up the AFC East crown
  • Last time they met, Buffalo was embarrassed and Mac Jones had two more completions than I did

Reindeer: While all the other draftees laughed and called him names as he awkwardly walked to the podium, Bill Belichick decided to let poor Mac Jones join him in all his NFL games. Rudolph loves him some Patriots.

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