What’s better than a new championship ring to show to prospective athletes who may want to play for your football team? How about a 136,600 square foot $80 million football facility. Ha, where will they ever find the money to pay college athletes?

On Tuesday, renovations to Butts-Mehre Heritage Hall, which had been in construction since 2020, was unveiled with a four-photo display and long list of attributes via Front Office Sports. You can see them here.

Inside the monstrosity of a building is a brand new locker room, players’ lounge, nutrition bar, barbershop and weight room. We got a peak at a few of those areas. 

A gigantic floor-to-ceiling garage-shaped window stars on one end of the spacious weight room. We also got a look at what appears to be the “plunge pool,” which sits below a mean Bulldog logo. And don’t forget the (oddly windowless) locker room with what appear to be the wealthiest movie theater-comfy seats you could imagine.

Also noted by our friends a FOS is that the building includes a sensory deprivation tank which … sure!

So that got me thinking about what’s missing, and though I’m about a decade out from recruitment age, I’ve got ideas on what should be included with an $80 million budget.

1. A Guitar Hero setup

I’ve been craving this since pandemic hibernation boredom and though Legends of Rock came out when these kids were like two, they’d appreciate it if given the chance to play. 

2. The ultimate TikTok setup with an endless wardrobe + video editors

TikTok is a full-time job and it’s also what all the coolest people are doing online. Set them up with a space and equipment to become super famous online and they’ll appreciate it. But please hire video editors, and also pay them.

3. A personalized team basketball court

You want ridiculous? I’ll give you ridiculous. Give the football team its own private basketball court. Drake did it in his own house and it looked pretty sick tbh.

4. A Netflix promise

Armando Bacot from the UNC basketball team is set to appear in the new season of Outer Banks and I, a top recruit, also want to do that. If this new building is as special as it claims, all of the hottest premium subscription channels should be knocking down doors to shoot inside it. Let that happen and then let me help John B escape, dammit.