Extremely Unofficial Odds On Who Will Replace Roger Goodell

Author: Dan TreadwayPublished: 05/03/23
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So here’s the deal: Roger Goodell has been the commissioner of the NFL since 2006. That’s like, eight Fast and Furious movies ago—it’s a long ass time. But as it stands now, this could be his final year manning the post—even he’s acknowledged that. Goodell is now in his mid-60s and his contract is up in May of 2024. 

There have been some rumblings about who could potentially be the commissioner of the NFL a year from now. With that in mind, here are my extremely unofficial odds:

Roger Goodell -2000 (Bet $20 to win $1)

Okay, so he’s probably going to sign a contract extension because the NFL is making a metric f*** ton of money and will continue to for the foreseeable future under Goodell. He's also been more than willing to serve as a punching bag on behalf of the sport for the better part of two decades, which is a core aspect of the job.

Generic Middle-Aged White Male +100 (Bet $1 to win $1)

Beyond Roger staying in charge, this is the safest bet for his replacement based on all historical trends. The replacement could go by any number of names, but it’s a good bet he’ll wear a suit and be cool with being complicit in various forms of extreme negligence. 

Troy Vincent +300

This is easily the most compelling name on the list that could plausibly happen. Troy had a standout career with the Eagles and served as the president of the NFL Players Association before spending the past decade working for the league as the Executive Vice President of Football Operations. He’s experienced, respected, and would be the first commissioner in the history of the post-merger NFL to have actually played professional football. It makes a ton of sense on multiple fronts... which is why it probably won’t happen. 

Artificial Intelligence Capitalism Bot +500

In fairness, this is essentially a pseudonym for Roger Goodell. 

Condoleezza Rice +800 

You really can’t discuss a high-profile position in athletics without mentioning Condi at this point. She has a broad impressive resume and I’m assuming an agent who always makes sure she’s involved in the conversation. 

Adam Silver +1000

I don’t even think he’d leave the NBA. He’s made that gig look pretty easy for the most part. I’m sure he could balance both these jobs and maybe pick up being the commissioner of the MLS in his free time. 

Tom Brady +1500

I’m still very much rooting for standup comedy to work out, but just in case it somehow doesn’t it’s not *impossible* to imagine Tom Brady as the commissioner of the NFL. I think he’s going to stay around the game in some capacity—he didn’t play until his mid-40s because he hates football. This also feels like the logical next step in the 80 For Brady universe I’m nearly certain we’re existing in.

Elon Musk +2000

It’s a long shot, but Elon’s done dumber things out of a desperate attempt to be liked. If you really hate the NFL, it’s hard to imagine somebody more qualified to rapidly destroy its value. 

Mustache Vince McMahon +2500

I mean, he’s just made billions and possesses no semblance of a moral compass—who could be more aligned with the interests of NFL owners? Also, I just don’t trust the mustache. He’s up to something. 

J-E-T-S Kid +5000

One of these people should be commissioner of the NFL. The other is Roger Goodell.

Kris Jenner +100000

The head of America’s first family in charge of America’s favorite sport! Who says no? (Everybody. Literally everybody.)

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