nfl

Patriots vs. Raiders: The Dark Side of the Force Reunites


Published: 12/16/22
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Now that we've set the mood, let's discuss Josh McDaniels opening up his Las Vegas home for the evil force that has run the NFL for two decades, William Stephen Belichick.

Together they built an empire the world has never seen. Lombardi trophies conquered like rebel planets. A powerful force that saw competitors cry foul, for there was no other way their partnership could be this successful without some semblance of cheating.

Now that they are separated, success seems fleeting. Both of their rogue squadrons are hoping to sneak into the playoffs as wild card draws. This game could very well signal the end of 2022 for the losing side.

So instead of breaking it down, let's compare the main characters of Sunday to the main characters of the Empire.

Bill Belichick: Emperor Palpetine

I mean this one is simple. He's the straw that stirs the drink. How he has this AWFUL roster producing at such a high level never ceases to amaze pundits everywhere. I also would 100% believe that Bill found a way to clone himself so he can continue to coach the Patriots until the year 3000.

Josh McDaniels: Darth Vader

The McDaniels offensive system has brought success only to those who chose the dark side. Hence why drafting the pure and innocent Tim Tebow was always a question mark. But as a leader, Darth was sometimes hard on his peons, which lowers overall morale.

Matt Patricia: Jar Jar Binks

I don't care that Jar Jar was on the good side, he was never supposed to be, and the rumor that Patricia is actually this super-intelligent rocket scientist is one that has never come to fruition on the football field.

Stephen Belichick: The Sarlac

Have you seen this man's tongue?

Mac Jones: Anakin Skywalker

The promise was so bright, he could've been the chosen one. Yet now the true Mac Jones has been showing. He's lashing out more often than Kyler Murray. The hate is flowing through him. It's sad to see what he has become. Maybe throwing to Nelson Agholor and Jonnu Smith would make any man turn to the dark side.

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