Super Wild Card Weekend features five Super quarterbacks making their Super postseason debut. How Super!

Derek Carr plays the part of the wily veteran, finally reaching late-January in his eighth NFL season. Both Joe Burrow and Kyler Murray are former Heisman-winning, No. 1 picks showing glimpses of superstardom. Jalen Hurts is as mobile as they come, skirting defenders and falling stadium apparati to sneak into the playoff picture. And finally, there’s fresh-faced Mac Jones, game-managing his rookie season like a prime Trent Dilfer.

Congrats to the QBs for making it, pop yourselves some bubbly – but maybe wait until after your first win, though, as history spells trouble.

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad QB Debut

Postseason debuts have not been kind to QBs as of late. Since 2013, teams with a QB playing in their first career playoff game are 8-18 straight up including a stretch of ten straight losses from Cam Newton’s 2013 Panthers to Dak Prescott’s 2016 Cowboys. As Scooby-Doo would say, ‘Ruh-Roh!’Even the legends of football lore have struggled in their first taste of knockout tournament action:

  • Peyton Manning lost 19-16 and posted a 64.3 QB rating

  • Drew Brees had a crucial interception in a 20-17 defeat

  • Eli Manning threw THREE picks and was shut out 23-0

  • John Elway lost 31-7 and accumulated just 123 passing yards

  • Troy Aikman compiled just 114 passing yards and fell 38-6

“But What Does It All Mean, Basil?”

A wise man once said, ‘Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.’ Let us use our worldly knowledge of QBs being terrible in their playoff debuts to predict what will occur.

Mac Jones’ Patriots (+4) @ Bills

Prediction: Dead man walking. Subtract his game against the moribund Jaguars, and Jones has 3 TDs and 5 INTs with a 56.4 completion percentage since December. MJ10 is a primo candidate to fall apart this weekend and leave Pats fans wondering if they’ve truly found Tom Brady’s replacement.

Jalen Hurts’ Eagles (+8.5) @ Buccaneers

Prediction: The Eagles have defeated one team this season with a winning record, the Trevor Siemien led Saints. Now they face the defending Super Bowl champions, Brady’s Bucs. While Tampa might be struggling with injuries, they’ll still beat this putrid Eagles squad by a score of (at least) 55-0. Brady remembers the Philly Special and BRADY DOESN’T FORGET.

Kyler Murray’s Cardinals (+3.5) @ Rams

Prediction: Coach Kliff Kingsbury had a chance to win the division in Week 18 and couldn’t defeat a Seahawks team with nothing to play for. There’s a strong chance Aaron Donald grabs the diminutive Murray, throws him over his shoulder and gives him a swirly in a sideline Gatorade bucket. Playing the under on Murray’s passing yards feels like a lock.

Derek Carr’s Raiders (+5) @ Joe Burrow’s Bengals

Prediction: The two teams meet beforehand and decide to save themselves the trouble of watching their star young guns falter on the big stage. They agree, in principle, to kneel out the entire 60 minutes and overtime and walk off the field holding hands and passing out flower petal headbands. Or, you cackle as you hit a same-game parlay at +240 for both QBs to throw an interception.

Recommended for you