31.5 million people are expected to place a bet this Sunday and if you’re reading this piece, you’re likely one of them. According to the American Gaming Association, $7.6 billion dollars is expected to be wagered. Anecdotally, 207 gagillion calories will be consumed as we all agree to put off our plans for a summer six-pack for one more glorious Cheat Day.
For the Super Bowl, I plan to make my famous seven-layer dip, a recipe handed down to me from the legend Holly Cicerone, also known as my friend’s mom. I also plan to make a handful of prop bets and have tied them to each dip ingredient for your gambling pleasure.
1. Refried Beans aren’t the sexiest pick, but are the binding agent that holds the whole dish together. While the other ingredients/props will be the star of the show, we start off with good ol’ reliable. The refried beans-level bet: Evan McPherson total field goals made over 1.5 (-115, bet $115 → $100). Money McPherson has hit this number in every game since Dec. 5th. He’s nailed 4 FGs in EVERY PLAYOFF GAME. Give me the kicker!
2. Now we’re getting spicy with Chorizo. This ingredient adds a little pizazz to the dip and is slightly dangerous to your intestinal fortitude.
The chorizo-level bet: Both QBs throw an interception (+190, bet $100 → $190). Lotta love for Matt Stafford and Joe Burrow heading into this game but they both were in the top six in INTs this season. Stafford led the way with 17 total picks.
3. Cream Cheese is the run stuffer of the bunch. It adds to the dip’s overall texture and is extremely flexible as it takes on the qualities of the surrounding ingredients.
The cream cheese-level bet: Joe Mixon under 63.5 rushing yards (-130, bet $130 → $100). In the playoffs, the Rams defense has allowed an average of 54 yards on the ground per game. The Bengals are 20th in the league in Rush Offense DVOA.
4. Guac is not only DELICIOUS, it’s also photogenic. The vibrant green stands out amongst the sea of reds and yellows in the dish. Remember, the eyes eat first.
The guac-level bet: Total players to have a pass attempt over 2.5 (+155, bet $100 → $155). Did someone say trick play? The two QBs will take care of the whole numbers in this equation. We need one trick play pass by either team to cash this one. OBJ, Tyler Boyd and Cooper Kupp have all attempted a pass in their NFL careers.
5. Salsa is the show-stopper. Chunky or smooth. Spicy or mild. Red or green. This ingredient makes or breaks the whole dish. Time to go big or go home.The salsa-level bet: Will a hologram of Tupac Shakur be used during the halftime show – Yes (+300, bet $100 → $300). Callll-ifornia Looo-ooove! Sofi Stadium is built to be beyond ‘state-of-the-art’, and is more than capable of having the late, great, 2pac appear via nanobots in the metaverse or whatever.
6. I hate Olives. I know, I know, take away my Italian Heritage Membership card. But Mama Cicerone would hit me with a pillow all the way from Weymouth, MA if I didn’t include them in her signature dip.
The olive-level bet: Result of the coin toss – heads (-115, bet $115 → $100). I also hate this bet, but my degenerate Uncle Paul would hit me with his half empty Bud Light can all the way from Weymouth, MA if I didn’t include it.
7. I usually go with a shredded sharp cheddar Cheese as I find it has the perfect melt/crisp ratio that adds the final touch to this tasty Super Bowl experience.
The cheese-level bet: Joe Burrow to win MVP (+225, bet $100 → $225). Joe Montana, Joe Namath, Joe Flacco (eh). When a ‘Joe’ gets in the big dance he usually comes away with the hardware. If you think the Bengals can win on Sunday, bet their QB to win MVP, as a quarterback has won this award nine of the last 12 times.